When I opened my eyes I saw a kind smiling face, small ears with huge hearing. I sat sobbing and avoiding eye contact with my psychotherapist. My tears were a relief. For the first time in years, I finally felt safe.
Three years after I was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer I was told that I would get better. This was news that I wanted!
Grueling treatment and endless operations on my poor body had started to heal. But nothing could prepare me for the crippling anxiety that would set in after my psychical healing was complete.
As I sat waiting for another appointment for my cancer I again began to prepare myself for the worst-case scenario. This was the final straw for me. I hurled myself to the floor and screamed out with agonising fear. I was having a nervous breakdown.
At first, I found the conversation one dimensional and demanding. Lots of questions filled my head
I didn't know what to expect from psychotherapy but all I could wish for was hope.
I had weekly 50-minute sessions that lasted two years. At first, I found the conversation one dimensional and demanding. Lots of questions filled my head.
It wasn’t an exchange of information. And I didn’t like not knowing anything about the person in front of me.
But as I opened up I trained my mind to go with the flow. To be organised. But not plan my fate. Good or bad.
For the first three sessions, I just cried. I barely managed 15 words a session. But, quickly this improved. To eventually leading the sessions myself and being interrupted respectfully with “times up now!”
Leaving the room, I felt at peace. For the next six days, I would do everything I could to hold onto that feeling. And then as each panic or anxiety set in I would use my new learned techniques.
We spoke about my fears, experiences and painful memories
I would collect my worries up ready to be presented back to me in a neat parcel of good thoughts.
We spoke about my fears, experiences and painful memories.
Psychotherapy saved me.
With exceptional professionalism, kindness and non-judgment. My psychotherapist supported me to believe in the good. And with her help I realised how much I still had to live for.
I now look forward and enjoy my psychotherapy sessions. It is my one and only protected and indulgent time.
Over time my mood, body and mind have changed. I don’t remember what my psychotherapist did or said. But I will always remember how she made me felt. At peace and not scared anymore.
From feeling suicidal to allowing myself to enjoy life. I will always be anxious. But now, I am in control again.